I’m super active on social media, which means that hundreds of pictures and videos (some amazingly flattering like the one below, and some not-so-flattering) are all over the inter-webs. Inevitably every few months or so, I’ll have a live where trolls super bombard me. Their goal is to come into a live cause chaos, make rude and crude comments, and be generally distracting. People are brave from behind a keyboard, which means that it’s effortless for them to be a jerk with ZERO consequences. I’ve been called everything under the sun. "Fat" is probably the most common, although general explicitly sexual offers and comments happen as well.
Do you know what I meet that with?
Humor, kindness, or no reply at all! I get comments from clients often, asking how I handle it so well or with grace. The truth? I love myself. It took me a long time to be able to say that. It took me a long time to understand that it wasn’t wrong! It didn't make me vain. I don’t believe a love for yourself means you have to be a certain weight or even your goal weight. I don’t believe it has anything to do with your physical appearance, the title you hold, or what’s in your bank account. No, I don’t think it is any of that at all.
Loving yourself is about knowing your worth. It’s about respecting yourself and your needs. I'm talking about needs not wants; I'm not advocating for manicures and Mercedes, I'm speaking about rest, nutrition, and self-care. Loving yourself means believing in yourself and your dreams. Even if those around you think they’re silly or unattainable. Loving yourself means talking positively about and to yourself. No more “I’m too dumb” “If only I were smaller,” “I’ll never make it.”
Loving yourself means just that. Without limitations, contingency clauses, and even when you eat the entire bag of potato chips. It’s cheering the loudest for yourself when you win and giving yourself grace when you don’t. I know you may be thinking OK Ash, but it’s easier said than done! No worries! It’s a process! Rome was not built in a day, and falling in love with yourself won’t happen overnight. But you’ve stuck with me this far, so here you go:
Practical Application :
- Choose gratitude. It’s difficult to focus on everything that could be conceived as wrong with you or your life when your spending that time being grateful for what’s right. Remember the movie, Pollyanna? The glad game? A young orphaned girl who believes that positivity can solve even the most difficult of life's problems. That. Do that. Over and over until you get to the point where you allow yourself no more than 5 minutes of annoyance before finding your glad and it’s become more natural to feel gratitude than frustration.
- Make sure you’re sleeping, nourishing your body, and taking time to de-stress. Nobody is at their best when they’re exhausted and eating garbage. Take a nap, drink water, and find a quiet place to refresh. I spent an entire blog post about this so instead of reiteration here’s the link! Give it a read. https://ashleyschicboutique.com/blogs/news/a-really-good-cup-of-coffee
- Stop with the negative self-talk, stop allowing others to talk negatively about you to you, and stop accepting less than you deserve! Now I’m not talking about entitlement. What I mean is, while it may be true that you can’t control what others think and do, you can establish clear boundaries against toxic people and toxic self-worth. I once heard you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Guess what! YOU are the voice you hear the most. What are you saying to yourself about yourself?
- Practice positive affirmations. Every morning stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself 3 positive things about yourself. Even if you don’t believe it yet. Things like: you’re beautiful, you’re a great mom, you’re an amazing friend, you’re the best boss! Seriously, do it. You don’t get a famous quote or an anecdote here. Just do it.
I hope this has helped you to find healthy ways to eliminate the trolls in your life! Take a minute and share this with someone who needs to hear it.
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Chic Blessings Friends,